January 15, 2020
Ky Ko Beach
Quy Nhon (pronounced Weee Nawn) has an undeniably beautiful beach stretching three miles along the eastern edge of the city. The sand is an unusual tan-orange color, soft and fine. The beach is expansive, virtually deserted, and has a wide tile promenade, complete with artwork and lovely tended gardens the full length of the promenade.
In a word, the beach is easy.
But when it comes to eating in Quy Nhon, well, that’s another story. It takes more thought and energy than one would think…
The Three Waitresses
Three young waitresses, probably in their early to mid twenties, stand far behind me in the back of the large open air restaurant, huddled closely in a tight circle, whispering. Steve has a good view of them. They gathered back there as soon as they saw us come into the restaurant and take a seat.
I can only see in the opposite direction, facing out to the street, where three young girls, ages six to eight (I’d guess), all dressed up in brightly colored gauzy dresses and glitter covered dress shoes, carry a toddler awkwardly down the sidewalk. They are working together, laughing. One has the toddlers head, the other two have his feet. The toddler is flopping around, mostly horizontal to the ground, but definitely not secure. I’m a bit worried that they’ll drop him and he’ll hit his head on the tile sidewalk. He is squealing with delight, loving all the attention from the older kids.
Now or Never
Suddenly my attention is diverted back to our table, where all three waitresses have just appeared. They are standing three in a row at the short end of the table, looking down at us. Two of the three are holding cell phones opened to the Google Translate app.
Time to Order
The three waitresses look like they are ready for the challenge of us, the foreigners. One of the young waitresses sets a menu (just one) on our table, which is typical in Vietnam. The menu is in Vietnamese (only), which explains their concern. They don’t see many English speakers here, and they aren’t sure how to handle us. It’s “shoulder” season still, but even during “high” season Quy Nhon isn’t very touristy. And there are definitely not many American tourists at any time of the year.
The three waitresses stand for a moment and share a look, smiling nervously, and take a deep, collective breath. They’re probably wondering why we aren’t eating up on the main street in one of the few hotel restaurants. The restaurant we’re in is a few blocks back from the main drag through town. It’s in a part of town where the locals hang out. But don’t get me wrong, the waitresses seem welcoming, and willing to give it a go.
Not wanting to be left out, I opened my Google translate app and select the camera function. In theory, I can hover my phone over the menu text and my app should magically translate the dishes into English, thus making ordering simple and straightforward. So far, this has never worked. Frankly I’m ready to give up on trying to translate menus. I’ve even downloaded another translator app and tried to google the words on menus with little to no success.
For proof, see the screen shot of my google translate above. Cooking the bat, Salt in the salt, Baking the burning, and Baking the shoe were among our menu choices, according to Google Translate.
Get Us Anything
We were hungry enough, and we’ve been in Vietnam long enough (over 50 days), that we’re ready to eat almost anything. Ok, that’s actually not true at all. I won’t eat goat, or dog, or a raw jellyfish, or little snails out of the shell that look like something I can’t even type here (Steve had them the other night). It’s too awful to put in print. But ask me someday, and I’ll be happy to tell you (I’m not a wimp- I’ve had snails many times, but no way was I eating these particular snails).
So here we are. We can’t make out any menu items. None at all, not even our fall-back item, spring rolls. Two of the three waitresses were trying to converse with us via the phone app, simultaneously. It’s difficult enough to follow one conversation using a translator app, let alone two competing conversations. It seems both waitresses wanted to take the lead (to help the Americans), but instead everyone was just getting more confused.
Finally I typed out “noodles” and held up my phone. Eureka, noodles was understood! Everyone smiled with relief. One of the waitresses indicated we could have fried noodles and something. Sounded great, we’ll take it! In the end we were served a heaping plate of fried noodles with seafood and vegetables. Yum.
Cheat Sheet
We’ve always compiled a handy cheat sheet of basic food terms for the country we’re traveling in, like beef, chicken, potatoes, etc, but, here in Vietnam, the same word doesn’t always mean the same thing. The word’s meaning depends on the context (when written) and intonation (when spoken). Yeah, so that’s making things a bit complicated for folks like us, just trying to eat.
English Subtitles
We have become more and more adventurous and trusting when ordering food. It’s either give it a go, or go hungry.
And even when food is labeled in English, it doesn’t always help.
Check out the four soup options from a local soup restaurant we ate at one afternoon. These were the only choices. They all have labels in English, but someone please tell me what the Fortune part of Flour Noodles and Fortune is? And the Noodle Soup obviously has way more in it than just noodles (what is that big blob of brown stuff?)! And Jellyfish crab friedfish? That Jellyfish looks pretty raw to me….hopefully it’s not still alive!
Celebrity or Oddity?
Just like the two waitresses that competed for our attention, we find we are in high demand, and perhaps a curiosity, here in Quy Nhon. Of course, we’ve had some of this same attention on our travels elsewhere in SE Asia, especially in Myanmar, but the amount of attention we got in Quy Nhon took us by surprise.
It feels very odd to get stares and double-takes from men, women, and children, several times a day. Kids biking by us would notice us, and yell out “Helloooo!”, and be thrilled when we would reply back in English.
We’d sit on the beach or at a beach side cafe and teenagers would stop and want to talk to us. But one young teen boy in particular stopped almost daily to “chat” with us while we were on or near the beach. He spoke no English at all, but seemed content to just talk at us while we smiled, nodded, and sat awkwardly.
The Mystery Man
One afternoon, a man approached us as we sat reading our kindles in lounge chairs at a nice hotel along the beachfront. We’re pretty sure we weren’t supposed to be using the loungers, since a sign at the wrought iron entrance gate said “Hotel Guests Only”, and we were staying at the budget hotel across the street.
The Lounge Chairs
The previous day we had spotted the hotel pool along the beachfront and I asked the pool attendant if we could pay to rent a couple of the loungers. He indicated we could use them for free – or at least that’s what I think he said. I tried again to explain that we weren’t hotel guests, (he spoke no English), but he ushered me over to the loungers with a big smile and motioned that I should sit. He then brought over nice blue and white striped lounger pads, and tied them to the loungers for us.
We felt a little guilty, but there was nowhere else on the beach with chairs or shade of any kind, and it was blazing hot in the sun, so we quietly slinked in through the back stairs day after day and impersonated hotel guests. We didn’t feel too bad because there was never anyone else using the loungers, except one guy, for one day. And that guy left via the back stairs too, so we’re thinking he was probably a fellow impostor.
You’re Busted
Anyway, back to our unexpected visitor. The man walked directly up to my lounger, stopping right at my lounging feet. He was explaining something to us in a language we couldn’t make out, looking first to Steve, then to me. He pointed to each of us, and to himself, then held up three fingers. My heart was beating wildly. I was sure we’d been found out. Here was the hotel manager come to send us packing.
Oh My
Instead, the man held out his phone and motioned that he’d like to take a selfie with Steve and I. It took a moment for me to calm myself. What, a selfie, you say? Who are you?
I had a lot of questions, but couldn’t communicate with whoever this was, and I was so thankful that we weren’t getting the boot that I stood and started positioning myself for the photo. I pulled Steve over to get into the picture too, as the man had indicated.
The mystery man leaned in close to me, held up his phone, and clicked. To my great surprise, the selfie was just us two, the man and me. No Steve. He seemed quite happy, nodded and smiled, and left us.
Quy Nhon Forever
In addition to getting selfies with strangers, reading in lounge chairs, swimming in the waves, and trying to get fed, we enjoyed beautiful Quy Nhon.
One afternoon we met a retired man from New Mexico who was staying in our hotel. He’d been in town for only two weeks when he decided to stay, forever. He had already rented a two bedroom apartment on the river for $300 USD a month with a six month lease.
I can see why he chose to stay in Quy Nhon. Her attributes are many – untouristy, a medium sized city, unpolluted, beautiful uncrowded beach, and friendly people. It’s quite a nice place.
Wins and Losses
Wins
We ate at two local noodle soup shops, without much knowledge of what we were ordering, and didn’t get sick either time.
We visited the Long Khanh Pagoda that housed a 56 foot, light blue-green Buddha and gorgeous grounds.
Quy Nhon has tubeless toilet paper = way more toilet paper per roll, but impossible to hang up.
Getting this great shot of Steve at Queen’s Beach!
Coffee shops bring you a complimentary glass of tea with every coffee order, so you sip on your tea until your coffee order is ready (and the coffee is amazing).
If you order beer, you will almost always get served first. You’ll also get a cup of ice – that’s how folks drink beer in Vietnam – on ice.
Losses
Restaurants have no napkins. Not a napkin in sight. But they do provide individually wrapped wet-wipes that sit on the table. Then, when you use one, they charge you for it. It’s only .08 cents, but it’s the principle of the thing, right? lol
Wet wipe costs 2000 dong (.08 cents) 
My ever growing deodorant collection
It’s proving impossible to find good, fragrance free deodorant in SE Asia, so I’m having to try and find the least offensive scent. I have a great deodorant collection started, but I’m still on the hunt for a winner.
Hearing horrendous, ear-piercingly loud karaoke while sitting on the pristine beach (thankfully, it was short-lived).
If you want to drink anything other than beer, you will get served last, or maybe not at all. Non beer drinkers are low-priority in Vietnam.