"Shut Up", & Other Vietnam Blunders -

Posted November 27, 2019

A Breakfast Thank You

Our first morning in Vietnam, during breakfast with a view of St. Joseph’s Cathedral, I said “Cảm Ơn Bạn” as the waitress set down my coffee. She answered with a curt “Yep”, which I found strange. Turns out I may have just told her to “shut up”. And, regrettably, I may have told multiple people all over Vietnam to “shut up”, as well. Oh my. I’m not off to a great start.

And to make matters worse, I just learned that my Vietnamese rendition of “hello” means , “I’d like more soup”. Hmmmm…no wonder I’m not getting those delighted looks from locals, as I attempt to use the native language, like I did in Thailand. Speaking in Vietnamese, a slight inflection one way or another makes a word have an entirely different meaning. Darn.

Duc, The Tour Guide

My newfound insights into the complexities of the Vietnamese language came from our friendly tour guide , Duc (pronounced roughly “Dook”). We had booked a 24 hour excursion from Hanoi to Halong Bay on Vega Tours.

I’d read a lot about the thousands of scams and crummy tour outfits sprinkled all over Hanoi, and knew it was important to research before committing. I found lots of glowing reviews online about Vega, so we walked through Hanoi’s insanely busy streets to find the Vega main office and book our tour for the next Sunday.

Coffee, A Must

The Vega bus was scheduled to pick us up at 7:30 am, so we checked the hours of a little coffee shop just down the alley from our Airbnb, An Cafe, the night before. They open at 7:30, so we hoped our ride would be just a little late so we’d have time for a coffee while we waited with our backpacks on the bustling street.

An Cafe was shut up tight (most storefronts have a metal garage door that is pulled down when they’re not open). It looked like we were out of luck, but there was another option. Right across the small alley we’d come down from our Airbnb was a tiny local coffee vendor.

Locals Only

His establishment was the type for locals. There’s kind of an understanding, or an unwritten rule, that only the locals eat and drink at certain venues. Or maybe, more likely, it’s that the foreigners, us included, don’t feel quite comfortable enough to join in the throngs of locals, all sitting on the sidewalk on tiny, plastic stools, most often eating soup or drinking coffee. Let me take a minute to paint a picture of this scene, found multiple times on every street in Hanoi.

The One-Man Operation

Firstly, at this establishment, the stools are a soft baby blue, the kind of color that quickly shows dirt and wear. The plastic stools are akin to the tiny, maybe 8” long by 6” wide, stools so often used in bathrooms all over the U.S, so a toddler can reach the bathroom sink. They stand about 10” high and are made from thin, cheap plastic.

We looked over at the coffee “shop”. Yes, coffee trumped any hesitation we had about trying out this one-man operation. The proprietor sat at an old, beat-up office desk, set sideways on the cement floor of his shop. The shop was so small that his desk and chair, and only one customer, could fit inside, but nothing more. Supplies and junk were scattered in the nooks and crannies behind and to the side of the desk, and there appeared to be no lighting.

The Seats of Honor

His one and only customer, perched on one of the many plastic stools on the sidewalk immediately in front of the shop, noticed we were en route. He immediately jumped up and grabbed the rare, larger (almost adult size) red plastic chair, with arms and a back, and moved it in place, gesturing warmly for Steve to sit in this place of prominence. Then he quickly maneuvered to the only other red plastic chair several feet away and motioned for me to sit. I honestly hadn’t even noticed the red chairs sitting on the side of the dozens of blue plastic stools, scattered willy-nilly all over the sidewalk. We were honored to accept his generous hospitality.

Vietnamese Coffee

I walked in to the shopkeeper at his desk, to order my coffee, Vietnamese style. He picked up an old coke plastic bottle, which was partially full of a thick, dark liquid. It reminded me of a slightly thinned molasses. He poured a few inches worth into a small, clear glass, followed by a generous portion of sweetened condensed milk from an open can on his desk (this is the true Vietnamese coffee). He then used his left hand to reach into a small ice chest that was mostly filled with melted ice, using his hand to strain out a few pieces that would still qualify as chunks, and dropped them into my glass.

Ok, then. I’ll assume that he just washed his hands, and that the used coke bottle he’s storing his brew in isn’t too old and disgusting. Well, the jokes on me because that coffee was by far the best I’ve tasted so far in SE Asia, and the cheapest too (.86 cents). Kudos to the small guy.

With our coffee safely consumed, we were ready for our excursion.

The Tour

Our Halong Bay tour included a memorable 24 hours on a lovely, small boat with 14 other tourists, our guide, Duc, and the cooks and crew.

Traveling with us were a Chinese family consisting of a mom and dad, two boys (about 3.5 and 10), a grandma, and a sister, a french couple, a brother and sister Aussie’s in their 20’s, two young British women in their 20’s, and two recently graduated PhD’s from Stanford (in Neuro-Biology). One was moving on to a post-doc at Princeton to study how flies make decisions, specifically how they decide what fly to mate with. Hmmm…interesting. I’ll never look at flies the same way again.

Kayaking in Choppy Waters

We spent our first afternoon kayaking in Bai Tu Long Bay. At first it was a bit choppy, but we managed.

We could see a beautiful sandy opening ahead in the limestone island we were approaching.

We docked our kayaks and walked through a cave. When we came out the other side, we saw an incredibly picturesque beach right out of a dream. We stayed for a while and swam. So lovely.

Rich Tourists Creating Waves

Next we kayaked towards another cave. We were now contending with not only the choppy waters, but private speed boats, full of presumably rich tourists, whizzing by us on all sides. Duc told us to take the large wakes to the side of the kayak, rather than head on. So every time a giant wake was coming, we did our best to maneuver to take it sideways, but that didn’t always work out so well (there were too many coming at us from different angles). It was a little stressful.

Half way over to the cave, my end of the kayak (the bow), was filled to the brim with water. At that point I stopped caring (and stressing) when a speed boat came by, they could do no more damage than they already had. And Steve assured me we wouldn’t sink. And we didn’t.

Cave #2

Duc helped us pull our kayaks up to shore of cave #2. The cave was large and impressive. Unfortunately we stayed a little too long for my comfort, through dusk. As the light waned, I had the sudden realization that the high pitched chirping I was hearing were bats. Lots and lots of bats.

Bats and More Bats

I looked up and bats were everywhere. I’ve seen an occasional bat at my home near Seattle at dusk, but I’m talking hundreds of bats, pitching and erratically dodging and dipping with no rhyme or reason. Every bad movie I’ve ever seen of a bat swooping into the damsel’s updo flashed before my eyes. I’ll admit I got a little panicky. Steve was surprised at my reaction, ”I didn’t know you had a fear of bats”, he calmly said. Yeah, neither did I.

Luckily we made it out unscathed and bat-free. I can still hear that loud, high pitched chirping. I have a slight kink in my neck from my unnatural posture ducking down as low as possible, holding a hand defensively over my head, while exiting the cave and boarding our kayaks.

Kayaking back to the starting point, we caught an incredible sunset. Finally the bay was calm and glassy.

Days End

Approaching our boat after a day of kayaking

After dinner, our boat made its way to the edge of Halong Bay, which we would visit the next day.

An Early Start

We woke at 5:40 am to catch the sunrise, and it was a beauty. We were floating in a serene, calm bay under a crystal clear sky. You could even see a sliver of the moon in the pink and slowly brightening sky.

Vega’s boats head out very early in order to beat the masses of crowds. Duc told us that 20,000 tourists visit Halong Bay each and every day, regardless of the time of year. There is no down-time. Twenty thousand a day!

Hang Sung Sot Cave

We were the first to arrive at Hang Sung Sot cave, a popular, gigantic cave. It was simply breathtaking walking through the three caverns, gawking at the stalagmite formed by thousands of years of rainwater making its way through the soft limestone.

The ceilings were equally impressive, and looked like the surface of the moon. Duc explained that the limestone formations were once all under the sea, and the lapping waves had formed the ceilings smooth, dimpled appearance.

400 Stairs Island

We then boated over to Ti Top island that has a lookout point at the tippy top. Problem is, there’s 400+ stairs (not to code, per Steve) to get to the view.

After our trip through the cave, which entailed ascending and descending probably 200 stairs (also not to code), I opted to rent a lovely wooden beach lounger on the almost secluded island beach in the sunshine, and hold down the fort, rather than add 400 more stairs to my day. I did send my camera up the mountain (with Steve), so it was a win-win. Yeah, good choice.

Back to Hanoi

It was sad saying goodbye to Duc and our newfound friends. Duc was so funny. He had a great deadpan sense of humor that we really appreciated. He also was quite informative.

It wasn’t until the very last of our bus ride back to Hanoi, at the end of our trip, that I thought of double-checking my Vietnamese pronunciation for “Hello” and “Thank you” with Duc.

It was pretty disheartening to learn I’d been telling people to “shut-up” and asking for more soup, when all I wanted to do was show them I had an appreciation for their language. Oh well, I had the best of intentions. For now I’ll stick with “Thank you” and “Hello”. Those seem to work too.